she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
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