I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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