be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
