did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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