I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
