I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
did i walk over a car last night?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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