Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
