I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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