oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
