if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
apparently the secret to your success is patron
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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