Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
