I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
