My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
