peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
