Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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