walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
