I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
