people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
