Duck Duck Cougar?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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