My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
