i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
