If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
