I puked a lego.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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