Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize