I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
