I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
