WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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