I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
