I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
