Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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