Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
