I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
they call him Oral-B. enough said
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
