I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
