it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
as a side note pls kill me
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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