I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
