Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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