How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
