there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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