On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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