Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
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