Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
