I cannot find my penis.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
