i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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