My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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