Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
