Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
