member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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