peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
