$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
