What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
