Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
