The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
