puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
i need some magic done to my vagina
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
