I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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