Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
