Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Randomize
