You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
