I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
