remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
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