I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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