please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize