can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
