Fine. I'll sleep in my office
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
