Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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