I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
