You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
