YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
