U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i dont even know how to be here
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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