It's like God shit irony all over that family
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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