I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
