this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
