i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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