Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
