Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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