i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You left your underwear on the fireplace
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
God I need to hump something, right now.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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