I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
