I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I can't put those talents on a resume
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
