I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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