bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
