is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
