i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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