so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Randomize
