Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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