she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
