And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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