Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
