Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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