who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
