Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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