i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
