you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
