I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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