yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
