if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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