I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
