Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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