Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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