i think my mom watched the whole time
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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