you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
