remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
The feeling are messing with the penis
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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