so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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