Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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