I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
