can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize