walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
