Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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